NOTES FROM QUARANTINE

Please stay safe. Stay inside. Be an introvert. And remember:

1) Tuna fish cans are considered a meal. A bloody mary is also a meal.

2) If you forget to brush your teeth, don't worry. Six feet is too far for them to smell the tuna fish on your breath.

3) Don't stress about homeschooling. Khan Academy, IXL, TED talks and others can do the job for you. If you feel ambitious, teach them some home economics: Toilets (and bidets) must be cleaned, baseboards scrubbed and so on.

4) Your hair is not falling out, you just have not been brushing it.

5) Yes, you can dye your own hair. Please. Just hold off on the highlights.

6) Don't be a moron. Read the papers, filter the fake news, don't gorge on Nutella or Netflix. Your brain will atrophy and your ass will sag. Read a well received book, learn a language, pay attention to your kids and significant other.

7) Don't forget to exercise. You don't need more than 5-6 feet to squat, do sit ups and jumping jacks. No excuses.

8) If your husband is under the impression that this is a second honeymoon, just tell him that your throat feels itchy, that your tele-doctor told you to self quarantine in bed. Then, begin to fill out your room service order for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

9) Offer to do things for your neighbors or those less fortunate--within reason and while keeping yourself in good health.

10) Keep those less fortunate in your thoughts and prayers.

STAY SAFE. WEAR A MASK. DON'T FORGET COMMON SENSE. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER. #FlattenTheCurve

Photo bySharon McCutcheononUnsplash